A few weeks ago I got a text from a friend saying “Hey! Come spend February 10th with me and have a girls night!”

I thought about it – because I have a lot going on – but eventually said yes. It was a 24hr trip. One night. And I needed a mani / pedi baaaadly.

That text message chain evolved to a request for a fairly high priced ticket to get dinner on a farm. I was like “okay!” because at this point I figured “in for a penny… in for $160 dinner ticket…” and so I found myself wondering “can I wear Louboutins on a farm?”

I mean, when the farm looks like this the answer is “YES.”

So I drove down to Jupiter, finishing Tiffany Haddish’s The Last Black Unicorn on the way, and immediately made my way to a nail salon with Jen to get the color “Lincoln Park After Dark,” (Not representative of my mood or the dinner, but I love a good OPI nail polish name), and got this amazing board with Jen.

From there we went home, picked up Dave, and I slipped into a cute but very plain green romper, some gold jewelry, and MY BEAUTIFUL LOUBOUTIN DOLLY DOLLA’S!

And we ubered to a farm that, despite the photo above, was a LEGIT farm.

We walked by a pig pen, some neat rows of radishes or beets (I truly don’t know), and I learned the bathroom options were very nice porta-potty’s. But that barn… that beautiful barn….

First order of business was drinks – a strawberry vodka mint concoction that was amazing – and canapés that included potatoes with caviar, short ribs, and mushroom risotto.

There were a total of six of us who had purchased tickets but since we didn’t purchase them all in one pack, together, we were going to . be seated separately. At this point my friend Jen renewed her Bad Ass status by insisting that with what we paid for our ticket, they would absolutely be able to find a table for all of us – and they immediately did.

And that’s when the fun started. And by “fun” I mean a five course meal with wine pairings per course that was designed by several guest star chef’s for this “Master Chef Dinner” series.

The courses were perfect, tiny little portions that allowed you to savor individual flavors and were paired perfectly with an assortment of wines. I just kept collecting glasses and kept getting refills.

At some point I realized my drink-to-food ratio was significantly off… but I kept going.

There was scallop, tile fish, duck, new york strip, and the grand finale – strawberry short cake with a strawberry macaroon….

But by this point I’d realized I was sitting next to Mrs. Swank, so I took the opportunity to inform her that I worked for the world’s largest restaurant company and we WISH we were this cool.

The next thing I knew, my dessert came with a personally delivered bottle of wine to thank me and my company for our partnership…

The farm wrapped things up pretty quickly and I was so drunk by this point that I was letting basically anyone try on my Louboutins. So the group stumbled out – I never had to use that porta potty – and the majority of us piled into Luke and Brenna’s Porsche where they dropped us off at a Starbucks, where we were hustled into an Uber that got us all the way home.

I don’t remember too much after that… I know Jen and I walked the dogs and ended up laying in the grass, laughing hysterically. I know we were in bed by midnight (yeah I’m old). I know I woke up at 6am, still drunk and had to purge the demons from my system. I know I eventually re-woke-up at 9am and had to eat food as soon as possible. And I know the drive back home wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.

And I know that no matter what’s going on in life, I am one happy, silly, ridiculous, drunk. Because later I found this and realized I did this in front of the owners of the farm. Because I’m classy like that.